Support is important - start by just being there.
Deciding to leave an abusive relationship is very individualized and highly personal to the survivor. This huge decision often comes with a bundle of barriers that are hard to understand from the outside. It can also be the most dangerous time for victims of intimate partner violence.
But all survivors can benefit from having support from trusted people during this time. Because isolation from family and friends is a common tactic used by abusers, it’s important to know how you can support survivors on the path to finding safety and reclaiming autonomy over their own lives.
Start a Conversation
Conversations with a survivor about their situation can be hard. They may not want to talk about the abuse they are experiencing out of fear, shame, or even concern for their abusive partner. It is common for victims to be unsure if they are experiencing abuse, or for them to believe they deserve the violence and abuse. One of the best ways to help someone in an abusive relationship is finding ways to have a conversation that empowers them to make their own decisions.
Check out these other tips from the National Domestic Violence Hotline for talking about relationship abuse , talking to your teen , and talking to your co-worker.
Ways to Support
Once you recognize the warning signs of abuse in a relationship, it might not always be clear how to respond. Your instinct may be to “save” your friend or loved one from the relationship, but the situation is never that simple.
Abuse appears in many forms and ways and there are also many reasons why people might stay in abusive situations, including to avoid escalating the violence.
Talk to one of our advocates to help you identify ways to help and support a loved one experiencing domestic violence.
Awareness
- Recognizing abuse, understanding how power and control operate and how to shift power back to those affected by domestic violence are some of the most important ways to support survivors in your life.
- Sharing information about Baraga County Shelter Home’s services and 24/7 helpline can help the survivor to be aware of the community resources available to them.
Emotional Support
Listen and believe survivors. From the National Domestic Violence Hotline, here are some additional tips for supporting a loved one experiencing relationship abuse:
- Acknowledging that their situation is difficult, scary, and brave of them to regain control from.
- Not judging their decisions and refusing to criticize them or guilt them over a choice they make.
- Remembering that you cannot “rescue them,” and that decisions about their lives are up to them to make.
- Not speaking poorly of the abusive partner.
- Helping them create a safety plan.
- Continuing to be supportive of them if they do end the relationship and are understandably lonely, upset, or return to their abusive partner.
- Offering to go with them to any service provider or legal setting for moral support.
Helping with Emergency Planning
People in abusive relationships may be lacking material and financial resources. From the National Domestic Violence Hotline, some of the most immediate ways to support survivors’ material needs:
- Assist in identifying a support network for housing, food, healthcare, and mobility.
- Store important documents or a “to-go bag” in case of an emergency.
- Encourage participation in social activities outside of their relationship for emotional support.
- Help them connect with professional resources like The Hotline or Love Is Respect for guidance.
Enhancing Safety & Legal Awareness
Providing material support also means helping survivors stay safe and informed by documenting abuse, protecting their privacy, and connecting them with legal resources to understand their rights and options.
- If they give permission, document instances of domestic violence with photos, notes, and transcripts.
- Avoid sharing personal information on social media that could put them at risk.
- Provide information on legal rights through resources like Women’s Law, which explains domestic violence laws and protections.
- With their consent, inform trusted individuals at their home or workplace about their situation to help ensure safety in crisis moments.